I Will Never Tell. Well, Maybe Just This Once.

I slip into restaurants undetected and then proceed for the next few hours to dissect ingredients and techniques. Unveiling beautiful and sometimes horrific practices and people, it's about time the tables turned.
S. Dickison exposed:

- The amount of coleslaw, popcorn and pickles I can eat should have scored me a championship sash years ago, but I've got to work on my time. All that chewing slows me down. Got to work around that somehow. Note to self: watch hot dog eating contests and figure out how to chew less.

- A moody waitress once dropped our utensils on the way to the kitchen. She proceeded to kick them all the way to the dishwasher. That’s something that stays with you.

- Recently I was at a new restaurant opening and someone told me what I just ate was octopus. I was having none of it - how could it be with this flaky texture? I am not always right.

- I remember meals I had decades ago. It’s nice because a good meal lives on and on. Unfortunately, so do the bad ones.

- I know I’m supposed to be all about the champagne and caviar, but truthfully, I’d like a Manhattan and some tartare if that’s all right.

- I don’t really like bread. Sure I’ll eat it and sometimes it’s quite good, but I’m not a roll with dinner gal. Sandwiches don’t tend to excite me much either. However, if I’ve been waiting on my food for over half an hour, I will devour the bread basket. And then ask for another. Some things cannot be helped.

- In reviewing a Brazilian Rodizio house, I consumed all 14 cuts of meat and then proceeded to shake a tail feather with the practically naked carnivale dancers. I blame the caprihanas.

- I am lucky enough to have discovered that sometimes you don’t like something because you’ve just never had it made well. Having said that, that doesn’t mean that just because I haven’t had your cheesecake, it will change my mind. Some things remain to be seen.

- You cannot judge a restaurant simply by looking at it. Sometimes the tackiest joints have incredible food. Does that mean you’ll go back? It depends how sensitive you are by your surroundings and your mood. So don’t be surprised if you ask me to recommend a good restaurant and it has a yellow, turquoise and red interior.

- People think that eating with chefs is a luxury. Absolutely it is. But imagine if you will, eating with someone staring at your every move, your every bite and then wanting to know how it is. Yeah, no pressure.

- When I cook at home, I often pretend I’m working on the line and orders have got to get out and get out well. It’s insane, I know. Why not just enjoy the process? Because despite reviewing restaurants for all this time, it still remains a romantic notion to chef in one.